Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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