Me too!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
