This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
