Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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