my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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