Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
