How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
