College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
