I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize