I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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