I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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