i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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