And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
