he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
