Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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