i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize