from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.