I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".