I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.