please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.