I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.