Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
