OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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