Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
