Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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