when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
