please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
