My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
