You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
