Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
