At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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