I'm going to jail i love you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So much Jack, so little girl.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
