I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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