We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
