I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
