Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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