I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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