i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
