i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
