Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
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just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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