He is an equal opportunity slut.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
