Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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