I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize