just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
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