At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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