there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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