first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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