apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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