I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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