Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
