Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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