you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
