That reminds me...we need to get swords
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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