hotel room ftw
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
