this beer tastes like vomit already
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
God, you're like boner-b-gone
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize