She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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