OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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