And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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