he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
