Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
