Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
